To Blog or Not to Blog?

That has been the question.

When we arrived here 3 months ago, I had a plan in place to finish up this Seoul Searching adventure by the new year-ish so I could send my archives off to be printed in a book  (how cool is that?) or two for us to keep. Then I thought I’d start a new blog with a pregnancy (duh) and it would become something our little family could continue for years to come.  Plan: failed.

Sigh.

As we have embarked on this infertility journey there are so many of those bloggable moments when I find myself in an unfamiliar place doing something that feels really ridiculous. It’s surprisingly close to life in Asia ;). However, I’m still not 100% convinced people want (or need) to be updated on all of it. And even more, I have a hard time posting about anything else because THAT is what is going on in my life.

Does that make sense?

Here’s the thing about infertility - it’s a game changer. It’s super intense, often a little funny and almost always challenging both physically and emotionally AND it feels like it has to be a secret. It’s also something that I could very well be dealing with for a mere season or a FEW MORE YEARS and our babies (yes I still want several) could be a long way from coming home. You add that recipe to my life and I’m at a loss. I want to be able to stay connected with my blogging community and I feel cheated by isolating myself from it – it’s  just one more way this whole ordeal has impacted my life and it doesn’t feel fair. At the same time, how can I post if I can’t say what’s really on my mind? Isn’t that the beauty of blogging?

Because we are in such a transition from there to here, I can’t just throw myself into blog worthy and socially acceptable things like decorating a new home (we are still in a temporary apartment) or getting involved in the community. For now, and until grad school starts in late June (hooray!), my life is all consumed with F-E-R-T-I-L-I-T-Y.

Anyway. Where am I going with all this?

I have to finish what I started here. I have to. We had an incredible two years overseas and I want to wrap it up as the gift it was in our life and marriage. I’m like 5-10 posts from it so it would be absolutely silly not to get’er done. However, in doing so (fair warning) I also may have to sprinkle some of the reality that is my life now because the last thing I want to do is sugarcoat my last few months. Life is not a fairytale. Sure there is a lot of good and even a bit of evil, but there is not always a happily ever after perfect moment to say “The End” which was really what I was hoping for here.

If it KILLS me, March will be the month that I accomplish the grande finale of my beloved blog. Whether or not I have another one in my future is yet to be seen, but I deserve to have this experience end on a high note. Hopefully I haven’t lost too many of you these last few months. I promise to give you some fun final posts in the coming days. Keep coming back. XO.

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8 responses to “To Blog or Not to Blog?

  1. Words cannot describe what you must be feeling! Love you Mary! I will dearly miss the blog!

  2. Your blog has made everyone’s life richer. I know that when one door closes, another opens. Everyone who loves you looks forward to following you through the next.

  3. Uh, here in Hoosier Land, it is git’r dun.

  4. Can’t wait for all of the new posts!! xo

  5. If you’ve lost anyone, that is their problem. Those of us that are still here are open to anything you have to say…and whether it feels like it or not – your words of what you are going through are helping someone out there. Best wishes! Hope to continue hearing from you!

  6. Mary! Always good to hear from you. No matter what is going on in life you will always have many friends who support you – wherever they are :) Keep smiling girl! and keep posting!

  7. Mary,

    Your blogs are great! I share them with others.

    Ken

  8. I agree with Sandy. I make sure to check your blog at least twice a week. I look forward to them and you have the power to say what you please. Although I am jealous of your worldly experiences, I can’t imagine the journey of infertility/fertility. I wish you the best there is to offer.

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