That has been the question.
When we arrived here 3 months ago, I had a plan in place to finish up this Seoul Searching adventure by the new year-ish so I could send my archives off to be printed in a book (how cool is that?) or two for us to keep. Then I thought I’d start a new blog with a pregnancy (duh) and it would become something our little family could continue for years to come. Plan: failed.
As we have embarked on this infertility journey there are so many of those bloggable moments when I find myself in an unfamiliar place doing something that feels really ridiculous. It’s surprisingly close to life in Asia . However, I’m still not 100% convinced people want (or need) to be updated on all of it. And even more, I have a hard time posting about anything else because THAT is what is going on in my life.
Does that make sense?
Here’s the thing about infertility - it’s a game changer. It’s super intense, often a little funny and almost always challenging both physically and emotionally AND it feels like it has to be a secret. It’s also something that I could very well be dealing with for a mere season or a FEW MORE YEARS and our babies (yes I still want several) could be a long way from coming home. You add that recipe to my life and I’m at a loss. I want to be able to stay connected with my blogging community and I feel cheated by isolating myself from it – it’s just one more way this whole ordeal has impacted my life and it doesn’t feel fair. At the same time, how can I post if I can’t say what’s really on my mind? Isn’t that the beauty of blogging?
Because we are in such a transition from there to here, I can’t just throw myself into blog worthy and socially acceptable things like decorating a new home (we are still in a temporary apartment) or getting involved in the community. For now, and until grad school starts in late June (hooray!), my life is all consumed with F-E-R-T-I-L-I-T-Y.
Anyway. Where am I going with all this?
I have to finish what I started here. I have to. We had an incredible two years overseas and I want to wrap it up as the gift it was in our life and marriage. I’m like 5-10 posts from it so it would be absolutely silly not to get’er done. However, in doing so (fair warning) I also may have to sprinkle some of the reality that is my life now because the last thing I want to do is sugarcoat my last few months. Life is not a fairytale. Sure there is a lot of good and even a bit of evil, but there is not always a happily ever after perfect moment to say “The End” which was really what I was hoping for here.
If it KILLS me, March will be the month that I accomplish the grande finale of my beloved blog. Whether or not I have another one in my future is yet to be seen, but I deserve to have this experience end on a high note. Hopefully I haven’t lost too many of you these last few months. I promise to give you some fun final posts in the coming days. Keep coming back. XO.